I watched them with a heavy heart as they left until they slowly disappeared.
It was such a heart-wrenching sight!
While I would be taking a convenient ride home, he would be trudging1 on foot along the highway, crossing several busy streets and down the rough and muddy road towards home.
It would not be an enjoyable strides and a light walk but a difficult and heavy one.
He would be pushing papa in his wheelchair along the three- kilometer- length of the J Center Mall, where he just had his daily electrostatic energy therapy, towards our home in Ibabao.
I felt a pang2 of pain and guilt3 deep inside where my anger towards him was kept for many years.
An anger that was drawn4 out of my love for him as my only, precious brother.
I was angry because, for almost five years now, he never untangled himself from the intricates of a certain wrong thing.
I was so overwhelmed with the fact that it is not him that has been wrong all the time, but me and my wicked heart.
I was angry because he was too weak and slow to resist it and I felt that he became used to that mistake and probably not doing anything at all to solve it.
He must have waited for time's own way of bringing things into better perspectives.
Time's perfect ways of healing and forgeting. Time's own ways of coming out into much better solutions.
I was just too afraid that Death might take him through a painful way and I wouldn't be able to accept it.
I was not able to sleep well that night.
